Some babies were dropped on their heads, but %name% was clearly thrown at a wall!
%name%'s skill is more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
%name%, don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents’ job.
Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me amazing, what happened to %name%?
%name% is not as bad as people say, they're much, much worse.
How old are you %name%? - Wait I shouldn't ask, you can't count that high.
How did you get here %name%? Did someone leave your cage open?
I was today years old when I realized I didn’t like %name%.
%name% is the reason God created the middle finger.
%name% brings everyone so much joy! You know, when they leave. But, still.
People clap when they see %name%. They clap their hands over their eyes.
I’d say %name% is ‘dumb as a giraffe,’ but at least a giraffe has a brain.
%name% should carry a plant around with them to replace the oxygen they waste.
Aww, it’s so cute when %name% tries to talk about things they don’t understand.
%name% fears success even though they really have nothing to worry about.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Take %name%'s parents, for instance.
Keep barking %name%. Some day you'll say something intelligent!
Don’t get bitter %name%, just get better.
%name% is proof that God has a sense of humor.
Everyone who ever loved %name% was wrong.
If you look up gullible in the dictionary, you'll find %name%!
I know five fat people and %name% is three of them.
Everyone makes mistakes, especially %name%'s parents.
%name%'s father would be disappointed in them. If he stayed.
The last time I heard about %name%'s father, he was out buying milk.
I bet %name%'s family tree looks like a telephone pole!
I envy everyone who has never met %name%.
%name% is like the first slice of bread in a loaf, nobody wants them.
%name% isn't completely useless, they can always be used as a bad example.
%name%'s fat. I won't sugarcoat that, because they'll eat that too.
Every time I hear %name% talk, I can feel my brain cells dying one by one.
%name% is so fat that Thanos had to snap his fingers twice for something to happen.